I have many pieces of fashion advice for American males, but one is above all. If you do want to have to think about the impression you are making ... if you have no desire to engage in mental calculus about appropriate accessories ... if you truly detest thinking about the audience but know that they matter ... then base your wardrobe on Republican elected officials. (While they are in office, of course.) They have done all the complex calculus with the lowest common denominator in mind. If they can wear it, then so can you, in pretty much any circumstance.
And so, I would like to thank Paul Ryan for finally bringing the trim goatee into the mainstream. And I mean the total mainstream, killing any last bit of edginess or risk. Mazeltov, Mr. Speaker!
I would also like to thank Speaker Ryan for the recent budget bill. First, how can I possibly thank you enough for tossing out the shibboleth of balanced budgets? I cannot! And given your own history, my thanks goes double.
Second, we now have a five-year extension on the windpower production tax credit! And the solar ITC for six years! Hoo-ah!
Not one, not two, but three gifts from the Republicans! Wind, solar, and beards. (I am going to grow one right now.) Sometimes, America works.
I invite opposing views in comments, particular from the people arguing with me about my recent GOP-love in our respective inboxes.